Stick Your Hand Dryer Up Your Butt And Give Me My Towels!

Before I engage in my latest uplifting and spiritual rant about hand dryer’s and my utter hatred for them, let me first explain why I try to avoid shaking hands with people at all costs.

The reason is because not everyone washes their hands! Yes! It is true. It blows my mind. You just had your hands holding your junk, shaking your stuff for all the urinal to see, and you simply zip up your jeans and make a beeline RIGHT past a row of sinks especially there for you to wash your hands. I have seen people even do this at restaurants where they are EATING. Listen caveman, wash your damn hands you despicable human!

Okay, now on to the hand dryers. What possible reason could I have against them? Well, to start with, they are loud! Everyone looks in your general direction when you crank up the semi truck, diesel-drinking engine that blows some air out of the little wall box.

Secondly, they don’t dry anything. After a minute under the hand dryer wasting precious French fry eating minutes, your hands are still wet. I almost always have to wipe my hands on my jeans to get them dry.

Now, if an establishment wants to have hand dryers AND paper towels, I will happily just use the towels while the other suckers use the wall dryer box thing. Another problem when there are no towels, is that depending upon the door type, you may have to turn the handle with your bare hand. I already addressed the people with pee on their hands. I don’t want to come close to touching that door handle without a paper towel.

I am sure there are some benefits to hand dryers, like perhaps they are better for the environment and cheaper overall for the establishment not having to buy a bazillion paper towels each month. Yes, I don’t care about either of those things.

Don’t take away my paper towels!!!

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